Side Chick Vs. Sister Wife Part 2

Many, if not all relationships, come with the good, bad, and ugly!! But, because of all the members present in one family, Polygamist relationships sometimes come with more bad than good, and these pros and cons of Polygamy goes as follows:

For one, it gives people freedom of choice. Women will still be able to choose their partners and not be forced into such kind of relationship. Also, it offers the husband respect and admiration. Men who are into Polygamous unions usually have more than enough income to support his families. This means they will have economic stability and a good reputation in the community. This also means the wives can work on their schooling, gain a career of their own, as well as spend more time with the kids, if kids are in the picture. You are provided a better support system within polygamous families because you will have more members. You’ll always have a shoulder to cry on and someone you can relate to.

The sisterhood between wives is the most beautiful when the women truly love for the sake of each other and are on the same accord! Most importantly, it prevents adultery, because there is no extra-marital affair to hide from your partner. This reduces adultery to a non-issue and prevents the temptation of cheating on your spouse…usually! Some men we know are just greedy, especially when there’s a woman HE wants, but doesn’t want to participate in polygamy, OR the wives don’t agree upon it. It happens…

For every action, there is a reaction, and when you have heaven, you also have hell! Here are a few CONS of Polygamy. Firstly, it can be the cause for abuse of power. Usually, in any household, the man is the head of the family. He has the power to make the necessary decisions in the household which could result in hurting one of the wife’s feelings. And being as though many women suffer from insecurity, they usually put up with it in fear of being replaced. This can be a dangerous thing. It causes rebellion amongst the wives, and it usually doesn’t end well. Jealousy can naturally occur in any household, but it’s very common in Polygamy because most women suffer from what I call the “Number Complex.” This means one wife may think she’s better than, or entitled to more, because she was first. In my past relationships, we didn’t do numbers. There is no 1st wife, 2nd, or 3rd. We were just his wives!

These pros and cons can be experienced in any relationship, Mono or Poly. So again, why would you rather put up with constant cheating, rather than embracing a bond?

A few misconceptions of Polygamy that need to be buried away are the idea of orgies and threesomes. It all depends on the dynamic of your relationship. Even though a lot of Polygamous relationships are in the same household, there are a greater amount of families who live in separate households. There’s also a lot of women who aren’t physical with the other wives, and there are some cases where they are. It all depends on what you agreed on. And then what really makes me upset is how people bring up diseases as if they don’t exist in Monogamous relationships as well. If anything, diseases are more common in Monogamy only because people are sneaking around and cheating without a care in the world nowadays. I can’t speak on anybody else’s relationship; however, I can say anytime I have considered being in a polygamous relationship, we have all brought paperwork of our status in the beginning dating stages. We check mental and physical health before anything transpires. And it’s not just me that does this. Many Polygamist people I know do the same; it’s only right!

As I mentioned in the first article, I’m not putting this information out there to change anybody’s mind. I just want to kill all the ignorance that comes with Polygamous relationships. Like they say on Good Times, “What might be right for you, may not be right for some”

So, the next time somebody expresses that they’re Polyamorous or Polygamous, or even a woman who practices polyandry, don’t scrunch your nose up like your relationship is any better. You could be in a Polygamous relationship and not even know it to be honest. So let’s not dwell on what goes on in the privacy of other people’s homes. Learn to love, share the knowledge, and mind your damn business! LOL.

But seriously, we’re nobody to judge! We all have our own lives to live. I just hope this helped the close-minded as well as the ignorant. I too was one of those women who was completely against Polygamy, and then I tried it for myself, and I enjoyed it.

I hope I’ve touched most, if not all the areas of confusion regarding this subject. If anybody ever has any questions or concerns, or is in a Poly-lationship that they may need advice on it, please feel free to contact me anytime at Toriimes@gmail.com I am available 24/7

Peace, love & light.

Side Chick vs. Sister Wife (Part 1)

Nowadays it’s so discouraging how our generation glorifies the side chick but degrades the sister wife. In what aspect does this make sense? Why is the subject of Polygamy, Polygyny and Polyandry so bad that we can’t have a decent and adult conversation? I see daily that it’s very much needed because the ignorance amongst Poly living is at an all time high! And I am tired of the common misconceptions!

For instance, most people over-sexualize the types of relationships. I don’t know who put in their heads that all poly people do is have orgys every night and spread diseases, but take those thoughts out now! That’s so not the case. Most of the time it’s never about the sex, that’s just a bonus! I’ve been in multiple poly-lationships and i can name more times than one where i didnt wake up to a bed full of people! Let me explain how this works… Because there are so many benefits.

There are a few different kinds of Poly-lationships. The two I’m gonna speak on today are Polgyny and Polyandry. The most talked about and misconstrued types.

Polygyny is the practice in which the man has multiple wives. This is mostly common in the Islamic faith (and from my experience, usually practiced wrong) I’ve seen in many cases where the women were forced into Polygyny because it’s been taught that the man does not have to seek permission from the wife, BUT it is considerate that he at least let her know he’ll be adding on. And what religious woman wants to be disobedient to their God? So they dealt with it. I’ve been in this situation twice, when i was practicing religion.. Except I was the wife coming in, and after that I said never again. First go around, I found out things about my then husband that was very disturbing. And it didn’t help that he wasn’t really seeking a wife. He clearly just wanted to have fun. His main problem was he was very one sided. And he should’ve known better than to have a second wife if he could not be just between the two. And honestly, this is the problem in most polygamous relationships.

Quran (4:129) – “Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire”  Underscores that a man is not able to treat multiple wives fairly. He would therefore be unable to acquire more than one wife if this were a requirement – which it is not.

And then there’s Polyandry. The practice where the woman has multiple husbands. Much less common, but definitely practiced worldwide. I actually know a few women who live this lifestyle and yes, all parties are aware of each other. Pimpin’ ain’t easy, right? Haha. Anyway, according to research, It is a rare form of marriage that exists not only among peasant families but also among the elite families. For example, polyandry in the Himalayan mountains is related to the scarcity of land. The marriage of all brothers in a family to the same wife allows family land to remain intact and undivided. If every brother married separately and had children, family land would be split into unsustainable small plots. Now I’m sure you’re reading this like what the heck?! But I’m ways I get it. Would I be into it, nah. But to each is own!

Let’s get into the issues of being a sister wife. The main issues are sharing, jealousy, control and lack of self-esteem. Women are so quick to turn down the idea of having another Queen in their castle, or in their lives period, but will accept a man who cheats over and over. I never understood it. You’d rather deal with the hurt, than embrace the truth for what it is. It is natural for a man to lust after more than one woman. Whether it stay a thought, or becomes an action. A man will be a man and always find something he likes in another woman. One morning I saw a post one day where a sister said, “Queens don’t share their King”. But when you think about it, yes they actually did. All Kings, and prophets from back in the day had what they called, a “concubine.” If you think about it, it’s this western society that made monogamy normal! Me myself, I’m a free spirit. I take things and look at the bigger picture. Polygamy brings many benefits for a person like myself. It brings financial benefits. Emotional benefits. And creates a scene where no woman goes without. Aren’t we supposed to want for our sister’s what we want for ourselves?

Just look at all the men we have left to chose from. Most of the good ones are taken. Then that leaves us with homosexuals and jail birds! Or you have the single straight men who want to stay that way. So why watch another woman suffer and be lonely? What if that’s you? This type of relationship will not only help in producing lives, but also create a new meaning of sisterhood. And thats what’s missing! We need to empower one another, love one another and have each others backs!

Let me just close this by saying that at the end of the day, everything ain’t for everybody! I’m not trying to tell anyone that they’re wrong for choosing to only be in a monogamous relationship. But i am asking that you really research and learn the true meaning and reasoning for this lifestyle. But this article is just touching on the types and break downs of polygamy. Next I’ll get into the good, bad and ugly. I hope you enjoyed this piece, and  stay tuned!

Peace.

The Fall Of The Black Household

One day, someone posted a question asking what happened to black love. It didn’t take me more than 5 seconds to give my answer… “It died when Women’s Liberation & Black Feminism started.” Yes, I’m sure you’re thinking what do i mean by this. Maybe you’re telling yourself that it was for the greater good of black women. But, at what cost? Let me break it down the best way I can.

Women’s Liberation, aka The Feminist Movement, has taken a toll on not only black women (who followed suit) but the black family. That wasn’t for us, but they made it about us and turned us away from our own men. They created a sense of extreme dependency.. They had us say things like, “I don’t need a man for anything.” Really think about how that sounds!

Now I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being single. Or having a voice in today’s world. I’m an advocate for women’s empowerment.. But there’s always a line, and we’ve  crossed it!

What made it worse was when they created the welfare system and started “helping” urban women gain full independence. Giving them housing, food stamps, anything you could think of to keep that Black Man out of the home. Sure it seemed like help. And back in those times, when the crack/heroine epidemic was so heavy, who wouldn’t take a free home and food? But then as that happened the ultimatums came also. “I’ll give you this, for that.” And low and behold the Independent women was molded, and the men were set free.

So what do these Men have to turn to when they’re own women gave them their backs? Other men! Homosexuality soon sky rocketed after and birthed the dangerous “Down low brother”. And bam, we fell for it again. Yet another way for them to keep us from producing life. The ultimate goal. Depopulation!

And it’s getting worse in today’s times. We have young men putting on wigs and dresses as a form of “comedy”, what happened to good old fashion stand-up? Our own rappers and entertainers went Fem. I’ve never seen so many dresses in hip hop! Then you have homosexuality on every television station, even in our children’s shows. It’s  glorified disgust.

People ask me often when does it all stop? I look at them and say “When You Stop Accepting It!”

It all starts with us as a whole. But we’re so brainwashed into believing these kinds of things are normal.. They want us to keep this Willie Lynch syndrome in our hearts.

I say we boycott The System, The Media, Music, & Sports. Start training our minds to love ourselves so that we can love each other again. AND FIGHT! Not amongst ourselves but against the oppressor who broke up our once happy homes. “What would our ancestors do?”

I’m not scared to say that I need a MAN. I’m not afraid to submit to my black men. I’m not scared to let a man be a man. A GOD in human form. A KING. Because thats what they are. And whats a King without his Queen?

Peace.

The Cause